01 October 2015

Tonight on Uber: Sitting in the Car… Racking Up Fares

scionI am summonsed to an apartment complex on 17th Ave and Glendale. The passenger courteously calls to report, “I just got out of the shower, I will be right down.”

It is unclear why he called for a ride before he was ready to go, but that’s neither here nor there.

Sitting in the car… racking up fares.

He comes down the stairs, shirtless, smoking a cigarette. He asks me to pull around to the other side of the building to be closer to his heavy bag. 

Context clues lead me to believe he needs help carrying said bag down 2 flights of stairs. Ok, I’m here to serve.

I remove the bag as quickly as possible from his nearly empty apartment.

Sitting in the car… wondering if the goods I am now trafficking will get me 50 to life… racking up fares.

Minutes later, he makes his way down, shirted at last, with his broken pink e-cigarette, non-broken Camel Turkish Royals, and iPhone charger in hand. This guy is ready for a night on the town.

“The first stop is at Fry’s. It will just take five minutes”, he directs.

Sitting in the car… looking at his apartment from the Fry’s parking lot… racking up fares.

It is unclear why he did not walk to Fry’s before I was on the clock, but that is neither here nor there.

Fifteen minutes later, he calls. “Sorry, I got held up. There were lines and I found a clearance table.”

Sitting the car… watching the 90 pound girl cart attendant push with all her might for ten more minutes… racking up fares…

Triumphantly, he returns, proudly showing off his clearance Old Spice deodorant and iPhone 4/iPod charger.

He generously exclaims, “You’re so great for waiting, your tip is going to be bigger than the fare”.

Eager to get to the hot tub after a long day of packing in a 105 degree humid hell, he directs me to his friends house, unashamedly rummaging through my cd collection while en route.

“Your mom is a beautiful lady for getting you this beautiful Matt Redman CD”. 

It is unclear whether he was hitting on me, my mom, both, or neither, but that is neither here nor there.

Sitting in the car… wishing I was alone… racking up fares…

I drop him off and carry his bag to the door. He enthusiastically shows me on his phone what my earnings will be. That’s curious, as I hadn’t ended the ride yet.

“I did it for you.” Translation: “I touched your phone without asking.”

Sitting in the car… Big sigh.


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